


TurntechBiology

by Tylor, ummy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, F/M, High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2013-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 22:46:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/566117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tylor/pseuds/Tylor, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ummy/pseuds/ummy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Dave Strider and you are currently looking at your biology test. You received a 33%, along with a ‘see me’ note in barely readable handwriting. The sad thing is that this has been your best test so far. You turn to the dork with the buck teeth sitting in front of you. He got a 99%? Damn you need a tutor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ===> Be John.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is the first time Emily and I have ever written anything, so we hope you like it~!

Your name is John Egbert and holy fuck band. You are a squad leader in your high school’s marching band. You play the clarinet, THE MANLIEST OF ALL THE INSTRUMENTS. You only joined because your dad said you need physical exercise; you’d much rather be at home playing the piano. Unfortunately, your football team is doing well again this year. Damn. If Dave Strider weren't in the football team, you wouldn't be in this predicament. If the team continues on this path, they will definitely be in playoffs! All of the saturdays! All of them! Gone! Wasted on douchebags called the football team. It’s like a big romantic date in which both sides hate each other. But Whatever. Band problems.

  
In any case, Dave Strider is the biggest douchebag of the all. The all ruling leader. His reflexes are known throughout the whole school and county. He is a mini legend...bastard. He moves with lightning fast speed; once he gets the ball, no one can ever catch him. It’s the worst.  
He probably doesn’t know anything about you. The two of you share an AP Bio class, which you don’t know why he took really. You’re pretty sure he’s failing. You work hard to get your grades and he can get away with anything cause he is amazing at football. You refocus your attention to the game. Currently its almost second quarter and he is pretty much owning the other team. They are about to score again and the score is already 7-28. But for now though it’s almost half and you just wanna get through this.

  
Half time has officially started, and you walk out onto the field.This band isn't an easy one to be in. High step marching takes awhile to get used too, but you gotta admit it looks damn good on camera. Not too mention your legs; shit they’re toned. Your dad made you join the Marching Band in 9th grade for exercise so you guess you’ve never known what other people think about it and how it works? It’s actually pretty easy! Once you know all the different moves, it’s not that bad. The song you’re marching doesn't have anything tricky, just your standard FM8 and SL8 maybe some RP8 in this bitch. All in all, the show runs pretty smoothly. You get off the field and back to bleachers. Now its time to relax and find jade!

* * *

 

“Jade!”

“Hi John! how did halftime go for you?” She looks at you with those bright green eyes. People Might think you guys were related if it weren't for those. You have the same 2 front teeth and the same black hair. But you guys are just best buds.

“It went ok...my freshman missed a turn, but its no biggy. Not the end of the world or anything!”

“I’m glad it’s over anyway! Now I can finally have some fun!” Jade smiles, but it is difficult sometimes for her. She’s the senior squad leader. Basically she and one other person lead the band with the directors, and it might not be bad if it weren't for two problems. One, the band director is absolute shit; she makes life awful. Two, Karkat Vantas the other senior squad leader. He’s the biggest douche ever, he even hates Nic Cage for some reason! But you can never tell if Jade is happy or angry to see him (which is all the time basically because of band).  
“Yeah! You wanna go get some concessions or something?”

“Yesss! I’m soo hungry! Let’s go get some stuff for our squads and sit together!”

“Sweet! I’ll meet you in the Alto section”

* * *

 

“I love wieners”

“Johhhn nooo!” Jade laughs. “Hot dogs are delicious don't do that! Haha!”

“Thats what I mean; they’re soooo goood...” Well they are good! You shove the hotdog in your mouth slowly. Eating them seductively always gets Jade.

“John you’re always saying how you’re not a homosexual but you’re not making a good case for yourself” Why does everyone think that?

“I’m not a homosexual”

“You are for Nic Cage!” damn she’s got you there! Nic Cage is the best though!

“Thats hardly comparable! Nic Cage is the best! Have you seen Con Air!?!”

“Yes! I’ve been over to your house before john!” You want to rebuttal but her phone is going off again. Probably Karkat again.

“What is he messaging you about damn”

“Here just look”

CG: WHAT THE LIVING FUCK ARE YOU DOING  
GG: go away fuckass! i’m talking to john  
CG: HA! NOW I AM LEADER  
CG: THE LEADER  
CG: IS FUCKING ME  
CG: I AM GOING TO ROCK THE COCK OF THIS BAND TO GLORY  
GG: eww  
CG: BUT REALLY WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU  
CG: HARLEY  
CG: ATTENTION HARLEY  
CG: HOLY FUCK THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME  
GG: karkat!  
CG: YOU ANSWERED ME I DON’T BELIEVE IT  
CG: IF YOU COME BACK OVER HERE YOU CAN STAY MY SECOND IN COMMAND  
GG: oh great  
CG: FUCK YOU OFFER RESCINDED  
CG: ALL THE SHITTY WOODWINDS CAN SUCK IT  
CG: TRUMPETS ARE MADE FOR LEADERSHIP  
CG: WHAT NOW  
CG: HA NOT EVEN RESPONDING BACK  
CG: I SEE HOW IT IS  
CG: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK  
CG: WHERE ARE YOU ANYWAY FUCKING SAXES?  
CG: OH THERE YOU ARE  
CG: WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCK IS EGBERT DOING WITH THAT HOT DOG  
CG: HARLEY 

You remove the hotdog awkwardly from your mouth and look down to see Karkat staring at the both of you. Oh man does he looked pissed. But then again, when doesn’t he? He then continues to flick you off. You turn and see Jade has returned the favour. What an odd couple.

“So does Liv know you two are...” You start to make [a rude gesture with your hands](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/05291.gif).

“SHHH! Stop yelling! I don’t want people to find out! Especially the band director! And whatever you’re trying to gesture with your hands, stop doing that too! It’s totally not like that...” You will probably never understand those two. It took you completely by surprise when she told you they were fucking.

“John! We are not fucking!”

“Huh? I never said that!”

“You’re still doing the hand thing...” You look down. Your hands are still awkwardly having sex. “Oh...”

“Put your hands down John...” Maybe one month is too early for that...

* * *

 

As predicted, the team wins the game, courtesy of a certain insufferable prick. Now that the game is over, the band goes through its normal winning procedures. You have to play a few songs for them and head back to the school. At the school, you get undressed and holy jesus thank god too. The uniform is just awful to wear. You finally get changed and are heading out.

You wave in jades direction. “See ya Jade!”

“See ya later, John!”

On the way out of the building, however, you spot someone. Two people actually, it looks like Rose lalonde and?..Dave Strider? Oh, Rose is probably interviewing Dave for the newspaper. Since the football team is getting close to playoffs, it’s understandable. Rose is very dedicated to her work in the newspaper. As Editor in Chief, you suppose she should be. As you get closer, you can hear more of what they’re saying. It sounds like rose is asking about the game. Dave is saying that the team did great and how well they worked together. Cocky bastard. You know he thinks he won the game; that he is the best. What a douche.


	2. ===> Be Dave.

Your name is Dave Strider and, god damn, you are literally the best. It’s now monday, and you are making your way through the busy hallways of your high school. It would be a lot easier if people would stop high fiving you, patting you on the back, or congratulating you on the win. Who knew being popular was so hard?

You only joined football as an ironic joke. You thought that you would be so terrible that the coaches would feel sorry for you, and make you a water boy or something. Then you could still pick up the ladies by saying you’re on the football team. However, you were actually pretty fucking awesome at it. You joined the team, ironically, to boost your already-sky-high coolkid status. You soon realised that you unironically liked the game, and you soon found yourself watching football games every Sunday. But you would never admit this to your bro. Irony is everything in the Strider household.

You pass a group of wandering juniors. They glare at you with an intense, death-wishing look. Probably band kids. They hate you for winning all the time, as they have to work more. It makes you laugh. You shoot them a double pistols and a wink. Well, you did wink, but you have the shades on that your bro gave you, so they can’t see your eyes.

The bell rings, and you’re late for biology class. You really couldn’t care less. The teacher is a real wacko with a weird accent. You can’t tell if she’s faking it or not. You enter the classroom and sit at the back of the room near some nerds and dorks. Hopefully they can mask the fact that you don’t know anything. Out comes your iPhone, and now you’re ready for a class filled with slacking off and not paying attention.

* * *

  
An hour has passed, and holy shit are you bored. Hot damn why did you take this class? Maybe because your bro wants you to at least attempt to get into a good college, without using your mad football skills as your ticket to acceptance. The teacher is talking, using huge words that you think are chemicals, or lipids, or fats, or something. You continue with your game of Angry Birds.

“HEY COOL GUY!” You can tell by the sudden British accent that Ms Marsh, your teacher, is trying to get your attention. “Why don’t you put the mobile away and tell me the three steps of cellular respiration?”

Shit, she’s got you there. “Uhh... Can I phone a friend?” The class laughs.

“Well, looks like we’ve found the joker of the class. Well, you won’t be laughing after you see these!” She starts handing out papers that can only be your latest test. What a bitch. She knows you failed it. The paper lands on your desk, and... fucking hell.

Your name is Dave Strider and you are currently looking at your biology test. You received a 33%, along with a ‘see me’ note in barely readable handwriting. The sad thing is that this has been your best test so far. You turn to the dork with the buck teeth sitting in front of you. He got a 99%? Damn you need a tutor.

Ms Marsh starts going over the test. You try to listen, you really do, but all she’s saying is words. Words that have no meaning. It goes in one ear and out the other. The dork in front of you is playing his DS. Pokemon? Really? Pretentious douchebag. How does he even get this shit? The bell rings and you have successfully learned nothing. You try to sneak out, ducking your head all incognito, but before you can, a wild teacher appears.

“David. We need to talk.” Sigh. So much for flunking out this class.

“John, you too.” The dweeb with the DS comes over. What the hell does she need him for? He fucking aced this test. He waves to his friends as they leave, and soon it’s only you three in the room.

“John, you’re in that after-school tutoring nonsense right?” Oh joy. Tutoring. You were thinking about it earlier but you really didn’t want one. Especially this kid.

“Uhh.. Yeah. I tutor science and history. I wouldn’t exactly call it nonsense though.” Oh man. You know where this is leading. What a nerd. Who does that for fun?

“Well Dave. You’re probably smart enough to know what’s up. I hope. You need raise your grade to at least a C so you can continue your American football adventure, so don’t fail me. Good luck John. You’re going to need it!” She laughs and disappears into her back room, leaving you and Jonathan or whatever alone.

“Well.. uh... hey?” He’s mumbling with his words. You’re not surprised. Everyone feels a little intimidated talking to the coolest guy in school.

“Well I guess I’m going to have to learn biology. You gotta cell phone? I’m normally super busy with so-called ‘American Football’ to stay after school.” He looks super embarrassed for some reason.

“Uh... no... I don’t have a phone...” Damn. No phone? Is this guy from the 90s or something? “But I do have a Pesterchum!”

“Wow... Pesterchum... that antiquated piece of shit? I haven’t used it in a fucking decade!” You grab a piece of paper from the teachers desk, and write down your chumhandle. You give him your phone so he can write his in it. He fumbles with the phone. It takes him awhile, but he finally passes you back your cell.

“Yeah, so just message me whenever you’re free and we can set up times!” He forces a smile, picks up his shit, and leaves in a rush. Are you really _that_ intimidating? You look at your phone. “ectoBiologist”. Wow. Nerd.


	3. ===> John: Go to Bio.

It’s monday now and you’re almost done with school. You only have two periods left and actually they happen to be your favorite. First A.P. Biology then A.P. European history. It’s off to bio with Ms. Marsh. You end up arriving there pretty early and take your seat towards the back. Besides that fact that you’re awesome at bio, Ms. Marsh is great. She’s British, so she has this sweet accent that people seem to think is fake. You’re not sure why people don’t like her, she says the coolest British things. She shares your complete love for Nic Cage which is THE BEST THING EVER. She’s also friends with your other A.P. teacher, Mrs. Gray, but you’ll see her next period.

The bell rings and the class is starting. You’ve done most of the homework in advance which means you get to take it easy this period. Biology come natural to you, so no big deal. You have one 3DS and one Pokemon Black 2 to beat. After a few minutes of solid playing the door opens and you see a familiar douchebag in the doorway. Of course he’s late. He looks pretty good in his casual clothes...but you’re not gonna think about that because damn what an asshat. He moves to the back of the class. Right behind you actually. He’s probably trying to blend in with the nerds so he won’t get called on. No doubt he’s failing this class. You think you hear Angry Birds behind you. Yup, it’s Angry Birds. The annoying chirping lasts for almost half the class.

“HEY COOL GUY!” Looks like Ms. Marsh is calling him out. This should be entertaining. “Why don’t you put the mobile away and tell me the three steps of cellular respiration?” That’s a pretty easy question. And that’s an understatement.

“Uhh... Can I phone a friend?” The class laughs.

“Well, looks like we’ve found the joker of this class. Well, you won’t be laughing after you see these!” She starts handing out paper that can only be the latest test. YAY! You knew you aced it. Gah only 99%? You could have easily gotten a 100. You got a glance at a test in Ms. Marshs’ hands. Wow, it’s nothing but red ink. Someone didn’t do too well. I mean not everybody get this stuff, but that grade seems awful.

Ms. Marsh starts going over the test. You aced it, so you’re back to Pokemon. It’s not long before the bell rings. As you put your DS away, you see Ms. Marsh has stopped Dave near the door. Looks like someone was trying to sneak away. You snigger, stand up, and head for the door.

“John, you too.” Hold it, did she say John? What? What does she need you for? You aced the test. Oh well, you’re sure it’s nothing big. You wave to your friends as they leave the room, and soon it’s only the three of you.

“John, you’re in that after-school tutoring nonsense right?”

“Uhh.. Yeah. I tutor science and history. I wouldn’t exactly call it nonsense though” Oh man. You know where this is leading. You’re going to have to tutor this prick.

“Well Dave. You’re probably smart enough to know what's up. I hope. You need to raise your grade to at least a C to continue your American football adventure, so don’t fail me. Good luck John. You’re going to need it!” She laughs and disappears into her back room, leaving you and Dave alone. Well fuck, you have to talk now, don’t you?

“Well.. uh.. hey?” Well that was well spoken. Maybe Dave won’t be as big of an ass as you think he is. Maybe this will be a learning experience for the both of you.

“Well, I guess I’m going to have to learn biology. You gotta cell phone? I’m normally super busy with so-called ‘American Football’ to stay after school.” Never mind. He is just as big of an ass as you think he is. Right, you have to respond to that.

“Uh... no... I don’t have a phone...” He is giving you a look. You feel like you’re being judged fuck. Oh! “But I do have a Pesterchum!”

“Wow... Pesterchum.. that antiquated piece of shit? I haven’t used it in a fucking decade!” Wow rude. Pesterchum is so cool! It’s so convenient. He is suddenly handing you a paper with what looks like his chumhandle on it. Now he is handing you his phone. You start typing in your chumhandle but you realize how dorky it’s going to look. Though you don’t admit it aloud you might want him to like you a little...maybe. He seems to think you’re struggling so you just hurry and type it in. When you finish you hand it back. You gotta get out of here you’re gonna be late to A.P. Euro. Jade will worry and you have to tell her about all this nonsense.

“Yeah, so just message me whenever you’re free and we can set up times!” You force a smile, pick up your stuff, and leave the room in a hurry. You are so late.

* * *

The bell rung and you walk into Euro late as you predicted. You explain what happened to Mrs. Gray and she’s chill; thank god her and Ms. Marsh are best friends. Another cool thing about the two of them. You move to sit in your normal spot next to Jade, who looks confused to see you late. Normally you show up early to your classes. So you understand the concern. There is a quiz in a few minutes, and history doesn't come as well to you as bio, so you should probably pay attention.

“I’ll fill you in after the class ok?” School is over after this period after all. You give her a reassuring smile and she looks satisfied.

The quizz went well, you think. It was a standard dates quiz, in which you have to memorize important dates ranging from 1347 to present. After that was done, Mrs. Gray started the Absolutism unit, starting with the French and Louis the 14th. It was great, because so many French jokes were made. She can’t say a french name without going ‘HON HON HONN’.

* * *

School is over now and you can talk to jade.

“Hey John! You want to just catch a ride today?”

“Yeah, That’d be great actually.” No, you don’t drive. Walking is cool, and you have no problem with it. 

“Sweet! So how come you were so late to class you never-”

“SO WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU TODAY EGBERT?” Crap. Karkat caught up with you. He is also in Euro with you and Jade. You think that may have helped them get together? But with them, you’re never sure.

“Karkat, dear lord, it’s none of your business.”

“Fuck you and your business. I am here to set the record straight. I will NOT be deterred by your... goofy mannerisms!” His voice is so loud; you swear he’s shouting all the time.

“A headache is not a mannerism!”

“WELL YOU’RE STUPID.”

“YOU’RE STUPID!” Fuck this! You start walking away, and Jade follows you.

“HEY WAIT! Jade come back! Fuck shit!” Karkat runs towards Jade and tries to grab her hand. But Jade grabs him, and puts him in a headlock. The way those two interact when they’re around each other is surprisingly adorable.

“Karkat, John and I are busy. I will talk to you later!” Jade releases him, shoots him a wink, and you both start heading towards her car.

You and Jade walk through the parking lot and talk about each others day. Small talk and all that. You’re both waiting for the security of the car to fully talk about that day. Eventually you both reach it and get in. It’s her Grandpas old hunting truck. It looks and sounds like a pile of junk, but it still works great.

“Ok! Now you gotta tell me what happened to make you late!” She starts up the car. So you wait a minute because, damn that engine is loud.

“Basically, Dave Strider sucks at biology... sooo I have been assigned to be his tutor. I was late because Ms. Marsh was talking to us about it. Then I had to talk to Dave.” She gives you a look of concern.

“You can say no John. Just so you know.” Oh Jade.

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m good at dealing with jock bullshit.” She’s still giving you the look. You know, the look. The one that says I’m getting real tired of your bullshit. “It'll be fine Jade! What could happen?”

* * *

The rest of the car ride was pretty normal after that. Just talking about life and teenage stuff you guess? When you reach your house you thank Jade for the ride and go inside. She will probably want to go “talk” to Karkat. Dad won’t be home for awhile still, his job makes him work pretty late. You head upstairs to your room and get going on your homework. After that’s done you log onto pesterchum to see who’s on. Turntechgodhead?... oh right..Dave. You should probably start talking to him now. You click on his name and start typing.

\--- ectoBiologist [EG] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 5:42 ---  
EG: hey.  
EG: what's up?


	4. ===> Dave: Be Pestered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update guys!

“YO BRO!”

“AHH FUCK!” You nearly drop the weights you were lifting. There is only one voice that you know that can penetrate through your earbuds. “Rufioh, what the hell! You scared the living shit out of me!”

“Aw funk, dude! I’m real sorry! Let me grab those for you...” He picks up the weights that you were clearly struggling with and easily puts them back on the rack. You take out your headphones and turn the volume down. “You gotta keep those sick beats a little lower! I’ve been trying to get your attention for 10 minutes now!”

“Damn, man... sorry.” You didn’t notice before, but you’re really out of breath. And really sweaty. You grab a towel, pat down your face, and hang it around your shoulders. You then notice that you and Rufioh are the only ones in the gym. “Where is everyone?”

“They went home like an hour ago man, I thought you would have noticed!” He throws you a water bottle that you easily catch. Oh hell yes. It is like fucking christmas up in here. You start chugging the nectar of the gods instantly. “So hey, I gotta ask. Are you going to that party on Saturday?”

It takes you awhile to respond as you are practically drowning yourself. You somehow manage a shake of the head, indicating a no.

“Are you sure? I heard there’s going to be a lot of dolls. And it’s Gamzee’s house, so crazy shenanigans are going to go down. I thought that was your type of show.”

“Are you sure you just need an escort?” Rufioh laughs. “Come on man, I know Gamzee scares you shitless.”

“Gamzee does not scare me poopless!”

“You’re the quarterback of one the greatest football teams in the nation. Grow a pair.”

“Then why aren’t you going, huh? Afraid to get another girl pregnant?” This time it’s you laughing.

“Nah bro, I got a date.” You’re lying, of course. You have to keep your have to keep your schedule as open as possible so you can get... tutored. Real shame too. Gamzee is one crazy motherfucker.

“Aww snap, with who?”

“She’s from out of town. One of Bro’s friends.”

“Oh dang, a college girl. Nice!” He gives you a fist bump. You gladly accept it. “Well I gotta hit the road. It’s almost seven and I haven’t even opened my Algebra book. I’ll see you later.” He leaves. And now you’re all alone. Wait, what time did he say it was? Seven? Shit you’re late.

* * *

Now you are in your jeep driving home. You bought this jeep for strictly ironic reasons. What does a stereotypical footballer drive? A jeep. Duh. You told your bro that you would get home at 6:30. It is now 7:15. You can probably bullshit some story about studying. Ironic, because you’re failing the only class you have to really study for.

You’re taking really easy classes this year. First you have Algebra 2, which is your sleeping class, followed by English 12, which is your napping class. Then you have gym, which is giving you credit for something you do anyway. Next is the bane of your existence, AP Bio. It’s ok though, because once you’re done with that class, you have a shit ton of study halls.

You normally grab something to eat and go home and chill; playing video games, jamming with your ancient turntables, slicing shit up with your swords. Nobody knows you still use all your old shit, except your bro, who you spar with every now and again. All the music you make goes straight to your bandcamp account to make extra money on the side. Not going to lie, your music is pretty popular. You still update Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, a hilariously ironic webcomic about... well fuck, even you don’t know. You started the thing during middle school as a way to procrastinate for a math test you had. And it just escalated from there.

It’s crazy how much you’ve changed from middle school. No one really payed much attention to you, despite how cool you were (and still are). Really, you DJ’ed for the school and everything, but no one noticed you. But then you moved from Houston to Seattle, joined the football team, and now everyone knows your name. You’re not sure which you like better.  
You tend to keep the jamming and comics to yourself. In fact, no one on the football team has been to your house. Like it or not, you think it’s a bit nerdy, and it doesn’t fit into the ironic cool football dude you’ve created.

* * *

It takes you around half an hour, but you see your apartment complex, and pull into the garage. You’re not sure why Bro bought another apartment, but you can deal. It’s on the top floor, just they way Striders like it. You park your car, head into your building, and press your floor on the elevator. You live on the 10th floor, and since it’s the top floor, you get the whole floor to yourself. This means the elevator goes straight into your apartment. There’s a tiny hallway before you actually get to your door, but you and Bro have claimed it as part of your house anyway.

As soon as the elevator door dings, you duck. SPLAT. Just as you thought, another tomato cannon. You look behind you and see the poor vegetable’s guts dripping from the back of the elevator wall. Some people wonder how you developed your reflexes. You just smile and laugh. Bro. Just another reason for people to not come to your house.

You guess you have to clean all this shit up. That’s going to waste twenty minutes that you could have spent doing something productive. Like procrastinating. Or sleeping. You walk to your front door and take off your shoes. An ironic “Welcome Home” sign hangs on the door. Well that’s new. You proceed to open this door and enter your house.

“Bro, your stupid cannon missed and now there’s... AW SHIT AHH!” You cover your eyes and try to look away, but you cannot unsee what you just saw. Your bro is eating the face off of his boyfriend. Ew ew ew. Why were you late coming home ugh. That’s nasty. “UGH get a room you two. Why are you in the living room for the world to see?”

“Bro, chill, we put up a sign. You had a warning.”

“You mean that crappy welcome home sign? Yeah. Real warning. Hi Jake.”

“Hello David! Sorry about that, haha...” You can tell he’s really embarrassed. Poor bastard.

“Dude it’s not your fault.” You grab a bucket from under the sink and start filling it with water. “I guess I’ll go clean the tomato before someone else needs to use the elevator.” You leave and do just that. You put the bucket in between the doors so they don’t close. If someone needs the elevator, they’re just going to have to use the stairs.

You re-enter your home, more successfully this time, and see that Bro and Jake are playing Mortal Kombat. You sneak by with the bucket down the hallway, making sure they don’t see you. You enter a bedroom, but it’s not yours. It’s filled with puppets and smuppets. Nasty. You’re tall enough to balance the bucket full of blown tomato brains on top of the door. Dodge that, dick.

Your brother’s name is Dirk Strider, but you only ever call each other Bro. He’s in college studying business, even though he has no reason to be. His smuppet industry has made you guys almost-millionaires. But you will never touch any of that money. You don’t want to. You will not make a living off of the money of perverts. But other than that, Bro is fucking awesome. He has been dating Jake English since high school. You really like the guy. He’s also somehow related to some chick in your school, but you honestly can’t remember who.

* * *

You slip back into your room, close the door, and go to your computer. Crap. Pesterchum is still open from when you added Johnny at lunchtime. You meant to close it so he wouldn’t talk to you. But you notice he already has.

\--- ectoBiologist [EG] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 5:42 ---  
EG: hey.  
EG: what's up?

You look at the clock. 8:36. Close enough.

TG: yo dude   
TG: i was at the gym sorry   
EG: ok, so this is dave, right?   
TG: no this is bob   
EG: ok. hi bob.   
EG: when are you available for tutoring?   
EG: which i’m really sorry about by the way. i had no idea ms. marsh was going to do that!   
TG: dude no i really fucking suck at biology   
TG: like hot damn if sucking at science was an olympic sport I’d get a fucking platinum screw gold   
EG: well hopefully i can change that!   
TG: hell yeah   
TG: so marsh said you tutor after school right?   
TG: I have football practice so we’re going to have to do it sometime that isn’t straight after school or on fridays   
EG: oh...   
EG: i guess that would work. i can’t do wednesday though. how about tuesdays and thursdays?   
TG: tuesdays and thursdays at 6   
TG: there’s a starbucks right near the school wanna just meet up there?   
EG: yeah cool!   
EG: i’ll see you then!


	5. ===> John: Get Ready

You have a had a long boring ass day at school. Nothing really happened that is worth mentioning, besides some awkward looks between you and Dave during class. It’s not your fault you are a social failure. You also happen to not like Dave very much. You guess you got along fine last night while on pesterchum... But he was still a giant douche in person so who knows.

  
It’s about 4 o'clock now and you are almost back home. You can relax a little before you have to go meet dave at starbucks. You have this premonition teaching him biology is going to be really hard. Hard like steel and other hard things. You don’t know how he is going to handle tutoring, and if he will ever understand biology. You just don't know. In any case you guess, you head up to your room to put on a good Nic Cage flick. However, you go into your room to find that your pesterchum is going off. It’s probably jade.

 

\--- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 3:45 pm \---  
GG: john hi!!!  
GG: helllooooooooooo???  
GG: ok i will talk to you later!! :)

It hasn't been too long.

EB: oh hey jade!  
EB: what’s up.  
GG: nothing much!  
GG: we didnt really talk in euro i just wanted to ask whats up!!  
GG: and see if maybe you wanted to hang out later or something :B  
EB: ugh no i can’t i'm sorry jade.  
EB: i have to be at starbucks around 6 to help dave with his bio.  
EB: it’s going to be so hard.  
EB: i can’t even begin to fathom how hard this will be.  
EB: dealing with that prick will be the hardest thing ever.  
EB: fucking hard.  
GG: uhh john?  
EB: yeah?  
GG: are you suure youre not gay?  
EB: jade! noooooooo!  
EB: i’m like 80% sure.  
GG: 80%?  
EB: hey that’s still a majority!  
EB: anyway i don’t know how i’m going to deal with dave.  
EB: we can barely talk on pesterchum, let alone in person.  
EB: i don’t know. part of me wants nothing to do with this bullshit.  
EB: but another part is hoping that my impression of him is wrong?  
EB: got any advice?  
GG: be your normal sassy self!  
GG: everyone else treats him like a god because of his skills  
GG: maybe he will appreciate the change  
GG: i have this feeling that things will go well john  
GG: dont worry about it!!  
EB: oh jade.  
EB: thanks for the advice.  
EB: i’m going to get my stuff ready and do my homework before i have to go.  
EB: so bye!  
GG: bye!! :D

* * *

  
Around 5:30, you finish your homework. You were always fast when it comes to homework. You may as well leave a bit early, which will give you time to relax at starbucks, and escape the house before your dad comes home and bakes another cake for you. After you throw on your ghost shirt and some nice fitting jeans you step in front of the mirror. You think you look damn fine. You gather your things and head out. It’s a nice day for a walk. Ok, it’s a bit cold, but you really don’t want to wait for your dad.

You arrive at Starbucks at 5:50. You have time to find a nice leather couch to sit on and set up your stuff. It doesn't take you long so, you buy a coffee. Pumpkin spice lattes are the shit. You’re pretty sure god sent them down to earth for our enjoyment. Around 6:05 dave walks through the door wearing his signature pointed shades, his letterman jacket and some nice fitting pants. His butt looks really snug in those pants... wait are you really looking at his ass? You bury your face in the nearest book, hope he didn’t see, and try to forget about his ass. Ok, he’s buying a coffee. He didn’t notice you. Good. After about a minute, he spots you and starts to walk over.

“Sup?” He sounds sarcastic. Sigh. This is going to be difficult.

“Hey, so do you have everything you need?” He only has a notebook and a pencil. Well it's a start.

“Yeah?”

“Cool! Well, why don’t you take a seat or something and we can get this over with...”

“Please, I know you wanna be around my presence of awesomeness all the time.” Some ego, wow.

“Right... you believe that. So what exactly are you having trouble with?” You guys have to start somewhere.

He shrugs. “Just about everything.” Well that's fantastic. But you can't say you didn't see it coming.

“I guess we'll just start with the basics and see how far we get. We can take little breaks every once in awhile.”

“Sounds pretty rad!”

"OK, so let's start with functional groups. You need to understand them so everything else makes sense!" You pull out some flash cards, and try to get him to memorize the different groups and their functions.

* * *

  
You guys hammer it out for a good hour before he asks for a break. Honestly, you needed one too. You never imagined bio to be this confusing. It always just came to you. This was certainly turning out to be quite the challenge. It took him longer than you expected to learn all the groups. You’ve only just started proteins.  
You do hope dave learns something; it would be nice for you to know that you're helping a little. Dave had explained, well complained really, about his situation with football and his bad grades. You really feel for the guy. It’s must really suck to know you might be kicked out of your favorite sport. But why even take this class? Or why not drop it? That seems like the logical course of action. It doesn’t really matter, you suppose. You won’t ever be friends with this douche. He had left to get another drink, but it looks like now he’s coming back.

“So...heh...” Well shit this is awkward. How does one socialize again?

“Mother fucking bio, man. Shit’s for real. Fucking dope.” Uhh... what did he just say? You really don’t know how to reply to that. About a minute of awkward silence goes by. Dave’s just sipping his coffee. Normally you wouldn't care, but this awkward is just... painful.

“What kind of coffee did you get?”

“Pumpkin spice latte.”

“HOLY FUCK! That stuff is like gods gift to the earth.”

“Like an orgasm in my mouth. Shit’s fucking delicious.” The more you thought about that... the weirder it got. But it’s strangely accurate. You laugh.

“I know exactly what you mean! It’s so good; I don’t even know how its possible for something to be so delicious.”

“Damn straight.” He takes another gulp.

“Well, do you wanna start up again?”

“Yeah. Let’s just get through this.” Works for you.

* * *

That was so goddamn hard. Fucking rock solid hard. But the rest of the night went pretty well. The two of you didn't really take anymore breaks, except to pee. But you thought that he was actually starting to catch on a little. Granted, you guys were going over easy stuff, but it’s a start. You hope he understood it anyway. There’s still a long way to go at this rate. Thinking back, Dave wasn't as rude or much of a douche by himself. It probably doesn’t matter. You don’t need to be friends with him anyway. You just need to keep him from failing.

The two of you start to head out of starbuck at around... 9? Damn, time really flies. As soon as you open the door, a wave of cold air hits you, and holy fuck it got colder. Sometimes you wish you had a car, but the exercise is good. Home is only twenty minutes away.

While you are still in the doorway contemplating the weather, Dave ever-so-smoothly trips down the stairs. You go help him, but not before saying “I told you about the stairs dog!”

He stands up and brushes himself off. “What did you just say?”

“Oh! I’m sorry its from a webcomic thing! Are you ok?”

“Nah, I’m fine. Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, right?”

“Yeah! Finally, someone understands my references! You read them too? I never knew anyone else who liked them at school!” He looks at you with this face of disbelief. It really does amaze you that someone else exists who likes SBaHJ. “So how long have you been reading?” He smirks.

“Pretty much since the beginning. It’s ironic humor is the best ever created.”

“Haha yeah! It’s so bad, it’s good! Well anyway, I hope it updates soon. It'll be great, I'm sure.” You give him a nice smile.

“Yeah, I bet it will be. Anyway, it’s getting pretty late. I’m going to head home. See ya.” You start walking away, and you think that that’s actually pretty cool! If you guys actually have something in common. This might make your life a helluva lot easier. You suddenly find yourself smiling. Suddenly, Dave pulls up next to you.

“Dude, you didn’t drive here?”

“Uhh, no? I walked. I can’t drive.”

“Fuck man, it’s freezing. Do you want a ride?”

“No, that’s ok! You don’t have to. I’m used to it!” You start walking away again. But Dave just drives up again. Why isn't he letting this go? A small line of cars has gathered behind him.

“Dude, c’mon. It’s freezing and we both know it. It’s the least I can do for the study session.” You have nothing to lose you guess. And it _is_ cold. It’s weird though. Dave’s not acting at all like the insufferable prick you make him out to be. You walk around the car and hop in the passenger side. It is a lot nicer in the car, you have to say. Bit stereotypical though; a football player with a jeep. On the way back to your house, he plays rap on the radio. He raps with and gets all the words right. It was pretty impressive you suppose, but you didn't say anything. You just sat there and laughed at him. It only made him rap louder.

He reaches your house after a few songs, and you thank him for the ride. He says it’s “no problem” and “shit’s freezing out there”. You smile at that and head towards your house, wave at the door, and go inside. Cause Dave was right, “shits freezing out there”.

“I’M HOME!!!” You yell as you head upstairs immediately. Your dad’s home, and you can smell cake. Curse that man. You love your dad, but cake once a week is way too much. You take a nice, hot shower and get in bed. You’re fucking tired. Hopefully teaching Dave will get easier, and you’ll have to see him less. Having two similarities doesn’t make much of a difference. Personally you doubt there will be more. Bastard is going to make this so hard for you.


	6. ===> John: Walk home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update!

That was a long ass day of school. Today is thursday and you are currently heading home to get ready to tutor dave again. Nothing happened on wednesday really. You had band practice after school. Nothing much happened except the usual shit; the director being fucking stupid and Jade and Karkat had to fix everything. Dave is still a clown is AP Bio, but you think he did remember a few things you said. AP Euro is going better for you. Your grade is finally an A, but the french revolution test is going to murder your grade. Just like those crazy french people. Hot damn.  
  
Fuck it’s getting cold. Any colder and your nipples will rip a hole in your shirts. How is it this cold in October? You wonder if you should ask your dad for a ride to starbucks. It’s only going to get colder later. You’ll figure it out later.  
  
You finally reach your house and get inside. You head straight for your room. Once there, you slip into your Ghostbusters pajamas. They’re warm and soooooooo cool. You log into Pesterchum, hoping to talk to Jade, as it is your usual afternoon thing. You log in to find... Karkat? Pestering you? Dear lord.  
  
\--- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 3:47 ---  
  
CG: HEY.  
CG: IT’S ME ASSHOLE.  
CG: FUCKING ANSWER DIPSHIT.  
EB: hey karkat!  
CG: YES THAT IS MY NAME.  
CG:  NOW ANSWER MY QUESTIONS.  
EG: alright...  
CG:  AS I’M SURE YOU ARE AWARE.  
CG: BECAUSE JADE IS YOUR FRIEND FOR SOME REASON.  
CG: WE HAVE BEEN...  
CG: YOU KNOW...  
EG: fucking?  
CG: NO, NOT THAT YOU DUMB FUCK.  
CG: SEEING ONE ANOTHER.  
CG: I WOULD LIKE TO ACQUIRE A GIFT FOR HER FOR OUR ONE MONTH.  
EG: ohhhhhhhh.  
EG: well you know jade.  
EG: just get her something she likes!  
CG: IF IT WERE THAT SIMPLE I WOULD NOT BE ASKING YOU.  
CG: FUCK!  
CG: EGBERT. IT MUST BE SPECIAL!  
EG: well...  
EG: she sleeps a lot because she is always busy.  
EG: she likes flowers too?  
CG: ENOUGH EGBERT.  
CG: I KNOW WHAT I MUST DO.  
EG: ok then.  
EG: what is it?  
CG: THAT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING CONCERN.  
CG: HAVE A FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC DAY YOU FUCKWAD.  
  
\--- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 4:03 ---  
  
Damn. Karkat is quite the handful sometimes. He also left you hanging! You kinda want to know what he is going to get Jade. You’ll have to wait you guess.... poop. Well now you’re bored. Jade isn’t online so there isn’t much to do. You decide to take a short nap so you can get through the night. You set your alarm for an hour from now? That should be good.  
  
You wake up at 5:40 like you planned and go to the computer to briefly check if anyone messaged you. Looks like Dave was online not too long ago.  
  
\--- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 5:30 ---  
  
TG: yo bro  
TG: so hey last time shit was freezing out there  
TG: so im going to be a classy fucker and pick you up  
TG: ima treat you proper  
TG: all the ladies will be jealous  
TG: try not to swoon when i pick you up  
TG: leaving now princess  
  
\--- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 5:37 ---  
  
FUUUUUUUUCK. Shit tits fuck. Ok. No big deal. Ok. You just gotta chill.  
  
After you came out of momentary shock, you proceeded to frantically get dressed. You grab some clean jeans and a random shirt. Oh cool, it’s one of your favorites. That’s lucky. You grab all the other things you need and swiftly head into the bathroom to brush your teeth. Dave and dad can in no way meet right now. So you have to move as fast as possible.  
  
The doorbell rings a minute or two later and you bolt downstairs. Ha Ha! You beat him. You reach the door and scream to your dad, “BYE DAD SEE YOU LATER” and throw the door open. Dave is standing there with the same anime shades on as usual and his letterman jacket.  
  
“ Well hello there, princess. Are you ready for the royal-”  
  
“ Hey let’s leave!” You just push your way past him, closing the door behind you.  
  
“ Alrighty then. In a rush I see?”  
  
You make your way to dave’s jeep and get in as quickly as possible. Crisis averted. You sigh in relief. Dave gets in shortly after and starts up the car and put the radio on.  
  
“So you got everything you need?” His expression stiffens. You can already tell the answer is no.  
  
“Shit. I actually meant to bring stuff today...” you inwardly sigh. “Hey, do you mind if we drive back to my place real quick so I can grab some shit?”  
  
“Yeah sure.” What the fuck are you supposed to do holy shit. You ain’t the one driving.  
  
“OK cool.”  
  
Why in hell did you say yes? You may have to go in there! You are not quite sure what to expect. You've heard rumors about Dave and his ‘Bro’ that he lives with. But you never thought you would possibly meet him! Or ever have to step foot in his house. Oh fuck, Dave is pulling into a parking lot ok. This appears to big a really tall apartment complex. Oh shit, he’s turning the car off. You both kinda look at each other.  
  
This is extremely awkward.  
  
“So hey, it’s really cold and I don’t want to waste gas. Why don’t you just come on inside with me?” fuck shit tits why world why.  
  
“Uhh... yeah sure ok” You’re so eloquent.  
  
The two of you head into the apartment complex, and you have to say, it’s pretty nice in here. You’re not sure what you expect his house... apartment... thing to look like though. You reach the elevator and he presses the button.  
  
“So how was school yesterday for you?” You should try at least.  
  
“It was sick nasty.”  
  
“Thank you for the detailed description; very helpful” He gives you a look, but then smirks. Before he has time to sass you back the elevator dings and the door opens. You both step in and Dave presses a button. He lives on the top floor. You could see that coming.  
  
“Striders like it on top.” You give him a look, but he looks serious. Oh god, he meant apartments. You look away quickly and hide your reddening face.  
  
After what felt like an eternity the doors opened and you’re about to step out when suddenly...  
  
SPLAT  
  
“Uhhhhh,” You felt like you just got shot. “what the...?”  
  
“Ah fuck! Dude are you ok?” What the hell just happened? “God damnit Bro! Sorry man. I forgot; it’s just a tomato” There is red all over your favorite shirt. Well crap will this even wash out? What are you gonna do?  
  
“Hello?” Oh. Dave is still talking to you.  
  
“Oh sorry. I’m fine, can you take me back to my house to get a new shirt?”  
  
“Fuck no, princesses get royal treatment. I’ll clean you up here.” Oh ok, alright then. You’re not quite sure if the princess thing is funny or cute. You go along with it. “The door is right over here. Let’s go.”  
  
Dave leads you down a tiny hallway to a door. There’s a really shady ‘welcome home’ sign on the floor beside it.  
  
“Shouldn’t you put this up?” You ask. It probably shouldn’t be on the floor.  
  
“Aw fuck no. I wouldn’t touch that thing even if it was the only weapon in the house.” Oh ok. That just implied there are weapons. In the house. And a lot of them. Awesome.  
  
He opens the door and leads you inside. This is not what you were expecting to say the least. There is garbage everywhere and these weird puppet things with big butts? You don’t have much time to look around however. Dave rushes you to the kitchen.  
  
“ Alright John. Take off your shirt.” Man, he couldn’t of asked sooner. This shirt is gross. You quickly pull the tomato stained shirt over your head. You look at Dave for further instruction, but he isn’t doing anything. He’ just standing there. You really wish he weren’t wearing those shades right now; you can’t tell what he’s doing. You can feel heat starting to rise to your cheeks.  
  
“Oh fuck, sorry. I... uhh... spaced out.” Hopefully your face wasn’t too red. That shit’s embarrassing. He walks over to the sink, grabs a cloth, and rinses it in hot water. “Here, clean your chest off with this.”  
  
“Thanks.” you start cleaning yourself of any residue. Dave kind of just stands there and you can’t tell if he is looking or what. Why does he wear those shades all the time?  
  
“I’ll be right back. Gonna go grab my shit.” He quickly walks away down another hallway. He’s acting weird. You really don’t want to say anything.  
  
You finish getting all red spots off you, and you don’t smell like tomatoes anymore. You put the washcloth back into the sink and start to walk around. In the main room, there is a decent futon with a nice tv placed in front of it. There are also a lot of swords in Dave’s house. There doesn’t seem to be anyone else here, so you sit on the futon and wait for Dave.  
  
He is taking a really long time damn.  
  
Where is he?  
  
“Hey man. Sorry that took so long,” Dave finally comes back. It looks like he’s got something. “I was trying to find a shirt that would fit you.” He tosses said shirt in your direction. It’s a white long sleeved shirt with a record on it. You quickly put it on because its kinda chilly. It actually fits nicely, though its not your style. You feel a little weird wearing his clothes, but it’s better than nothing.  
  
“You can go ahead and keep that shirt. Doesn’t fit me anymore. It looks better on you anyway.”  
  
“Oh uh... thanks?” He is being so nice to you. Why? You both sort of stand there for a minute before you talk again. “So... now that that’s done, you wanna head back out?” He smirks at you and nods his head.  
  
“Yeah I got my stuff. Let’s head out of here.”  


* * *

  
You reach starbucks about ten minutes later. You and Dave go in and find a place to sit. While Dave is getting comfortable, you walk over to the counter and buy some drinks. He was actually really nice, giving you the shirt, so it’s the least you can do. You pay for the coffee and head back.  
  
“Here.” You hand him one.  
  
“What's this for?”  
  
“A thanks, for letting me borrow the shirt and clean up.. and stuff. Heh.” You give him a nice smile and he takes the hot beverage from your hands.  
  
“It’s no problem dude. You were an innocent victim of Bro shenanigans. Least I could do.” He takes a sip of the drink and smirks. “Pumpkin spice latte?”  
  
You smile. “You know it!”  


* * *

  
The rest of the night went pretty smoothly. Dave is still pretty bad at bio, but it wasn't as bad to be there with him. You had a decent time! You and Dave got along pretty well the rest of the night. He also seemed to be actually trying to understand the concepts that you were teaching him, instead of just staring into space like last time. Slowly, he will start to catch on.  
  
Dave offered to take you home again, which you gladly accepted. It’s still really cold outside. You get into the car. And, again, he raps most of the way to your house.  
  
When you do reach your house, you give him a quick “See ya!” and get out of the car. But Dave gets out too.  
  
“Are you gonna walk me to my door or something?”  
  
“You are the princess.”  
  
“Oh look at me Dave! I’m swooning.” You both laugh the rest of the way to the door, which doesn’t take very long. Once you get there you both look at each other. You doubt Dave thought this far ahead with the princess thing. After a few moments Dave speaks up.  
  
“Hey so... I had a good time tonight, John.” You smile at him.  
  
“Yeah me too!” It gets quiet again but you’re still smiling up at Dave. You realize he’s actually really attractive the longer you look up at him. “So I guess I should head in. Bye!” You go to open the door.  
  
“Hey! John wait!” Huh?  
  
“Yeah?” You turn around... Did he get closer to you?  
  
“I...” What’s up with Dave all of the sudden? He looks sort of focused. Before you could find out however, the door of your house swings open and your dad stands in the doorway.  
  
“John! I thought I heard you pull in! Come on inside, It’s chilly!” You wave bye to Dave and walk inside closing the door behind you. You got a peek at Dave before you did. Normally he has a pretty good poker face but you thought he looked a little... you don’t know. Maybe disappointed is the best way to describe it.  
  
You head back to your room and get some pjs on. You just go straight to bed. Karkat may be online again and you just don’t want to deal with that right now. That night you fell asleep thinking about Dave and what could have been. **  
**


	7. ===> Dave: Wake up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the lack of update last week! My computer kinda died on me, so I'm getting it back tomorrow!

You wake up. Your phone is blasting some hardcore fog horns. As you reach over to turn it off, a sticky note brushes your hand. It says “Yo bro, hope you enjoy the extra hour of sleep”. Wait... extra hour... fuck. It’s 4 PM on a Thursday. This is probably his response from that bucket prank a couple of days ago. You guess you’re skipping football practice today. Your coach hates it when someone skips on a thursday, because the football game is on Friday. All you have to do is win and he’ll forgive you. Which won’t be hard. Fucking bro.  
  
You get dressed and walk into the hallway. “FUCK YOU BRO!” It’s useless. The house is deserted. You feel your tummy rumble, so you decide to go into the kitchen. Since no one is in, you decide to start rapping.  
  
 _Yo Bro, you’re a ho_  
 _I thought I’d let you know_  
 _I still love you though_  
 _You bring me so much woe, so_  
  
 _I hope we got some food_  
 _If not, I’ll be so screwed_  
 _I know that’s rather crude_  
 _But I guess I’m fucking rude, dude_  
  
 _Holy shit, got some take out_  
 _now that’s without a doubt_  
 _what I’m talking about_  
 _tasty shit throughout, scout_  
  
 _Jesus christ that was lame_  
 _bringing my name to shame_  
 _I need to one up my game_  
 _So I don’t do that again, dame_  
  
The microwave dings and you stop rapping. Damn you really suck when you’re tired. You walk back to your room with the crappy chinese food burning on your plate. You sit at your desk and open up your laptop. A half-written English paper is on your screen. Crap, that’s due tomorrow. Sparknotes is visible on Chrome. You never read the book. The internet is the only reading material you need when it comes to books. The Great Gatsby can suck your dick.  
  
You finish the essay within the hour. It’s not great, but it’ll get you a B. You print it out, and go to SBaHJ.com. You still haven’t updated it since last week. You were going to yesterday, but then you found out John was a fan. It was surprising. You never thought anyone at school read it. You really don’t know if you should tell him you make the damn thing. But now you don’t want to update it and disappoint him. What if he hates the update? He sounded so enthusiastic about it. Whatever. You’ll update it over the weekend.  
  
Speaking of bio, you’re actually fucking happy you got a lesson from Johnny boy. Like seriously. That one lesson actually taught you shit. It wasn’t like “ _Oh hey I’m a biologist now_ ”, but you know, you got the basics. Now the other things hopefully won’t be so hard. But you went over the chapter one test, and all you could think was " _Damn. It’s really that easy?_ " Actually paying attention helps. But you don’t want to seem super nerdy. You keep it cool, and still act like a total asshat during class. What can you say, it’s super fun.  
  
You start to getting your shit ready for your next lesson. That guy knows fucking everything, you swear. Just standing next to him makes you feel idiotic. Well whatever. Him standing next to you makes him look puny. Perks of being buff. But it’s cool. John’s a pretty cool guy, if you’re being honest.  
  
The clock says it’s 5:29. Well it takes you 20 minutes to get to starbucks. You wonder if John needs a ride again. It would be rude of you to not take him, especially in this weather. Now, all you need to do is ask him in the most ironic way possible...  
  
\--- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 5:30 ---  
  
TG: yo bro  
TG: so hey last time shit was freezing out there  
TG: so im going to be a classy fucker and pick you up  
TG: ima treat you proper  
TG: all the ladies will be jealous  
TG: try not to swoon when i pick you up  
TG: leaving now princess  
  
\--- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 5:37 ---  
  
Damn. Was that too much? No. There is no such thing as too much irony. Hopefully he actually gets those messages so you don’t just show up at his house. You put on your cool anime shades and letterman jacket, leave your house and get in the car.

* * *

  
It takes you fifteen minutes to get to his house. He lives in a small two floor house. You exit the car and walk to the doorway. You're about to ring the bell, but you need to think of what to say. Should you be your cool serious self, or continue with the princess motif of the night? Motif. Motif fosho.   
  
The bell echoes throughout the house, and you half expect to be standing there for a good 5 minutes. Except John practically rips the door open.   
  
"Well hello there, princess. Are you ready for the royal-"  
  
"Hey, let's leave." He pushes you aside and starts to leave. Hot damn someone's in a hurry.  
   
"Alrighty then. In a rush I see?" He's practically in your car by the time you get off the front porch. You didn't think your princess routine was that uncomfortable, damn.   
  
You enter your car and put on the radio.   
  
"You got everything you need?" Ha. He underestimates your powe- fuck, you left your shit at home.   
  
"Shit. I actually meant to bring stuff today..." Good job, Strider. "Hey, do you mind if we drive back to my place real quick so I can grab some shit?"  
  
"Yeah sure."  
  
"OK cool."  
  
Awesome. Now you can actually take notes and learn some stuff. You turn the car around and start heading to your house. John's pretty quiet. You hope it's not too awkward. You pull into your apartment parking lots, park in your usual spot, and turn off the car. You look at John, and he looks at you.   
  
You really don't want to leave him in your car alone. That would be rude. Bro isn’t home so that’s a plus. You make up some bullshit excuse.   
  
“So hey, it’s really cold and I don’t want to waste gas. Why don’t you just come on inside with me?”   
  
“Uhh... yeah sure ok." Awesome.   
  
You both get out the car and walk into your building. There is a small lobby with an elevator to get to your flat. You press the button.   
  
“So how was school yesterday for you?”   
  
“It was sick nasty.”  
  
“Thank you for the detailed description; very helpful." Aw snap. Watch out for Mr. Sassy Pants over here.   
  
Just as you were going to come back with a snarky statement, the elevator dings. Bastard. He won this round.  
  
You both enter the elevator. You can feel John staring at you when you press the top button.  
  
“Striders like it on top.” He gives you a funny look. He knows it’s a joke, and so do you. But you keep your face completely still. He turns away, embarrassed. Good. He thinks you were serious. Silent victories are the best. We’re even now, Egbert. 

  
A short wait later, the doors open. Remembering the past couple of days, you quickly duck. No tomato for you today.  
  
SPLAT  
  
“Uhhhhh,” Oh fuck there was someone with you god damn it “what the...?” John was caught completely unaware. Why the fuck didn’t you tell him god you’re so stupid.  
  
“Ah fuck! Dude are you ok? God damnit Bro! Sorry man I forgot. It’s just a tomato.” He looks really dazed. No surprise really. You’ve lived with this your whole life. He’s kinda just staring at his own shirt. Maybe he thinks it’s his blood or something. He’s not showing any sign of responding. “Hello?”  
  
“Oh sorry. I’m fine, can you take me back to my house to get a new shirt?”  
  
“Fuck no, princesses get royal treatment. I’ll clean you up here.” You really are enjoying this princess routine. That and you’re too lazy to take him back home. “The door is right over here. Let’s go.”  
  
You lead him to your doorway like he’s a fallen comrade at war, covered in his own blood. He’s going to survive this. Leave no man behind. Except the war is really a tomato cannon and his blood is tomato juice.  
  
“Shouldn’t you put this up?” John’s pointing to that fucking welcome home sign. Oh god he has no idea the PAIN that thing has put you through.  
  
“Aw fuck no. I wouldn’t touch that thing even if it was the only weapon in the house.”  
  
You open the door and lead him to the kitchen. Home sweet home, you guess. This is the first time someone’s been inside here, other than your bro, Jake, and the occasional pizza guy. It’s a dump, but you guys never care. The kitchen is pretty much in the same condition, but at least there’s none of those godforsaken smuppets.  
  
“Alright John. Take off your shirt.” That sounded a bit creepier than you expected, but he eagerly obeys. He takes off his glasses, pulls off his shirt, and... hot damn. He’s like a different person without his glasses... or well.. his shirt. He’s skinny, but there’s some visible muscle going on. His skin is completely smooth, except for a mole on his right shoulder and a giant red stain where the tomato hit him. You’ll be damned if he isn’t a little attracti...  
  
“Oh fuck, sorry. I... uhh... spaced out.” Fuck what are you thinking. He’s staring at you, probably confused. You decide to actually do something instead of just blanking out again. You rinse out one of the rags and throw it at him. “Here, clean your chest off with this.”  
  
“Thanks.” You lean against the wall as he starts to clean himself off. Damn what’s wrong with you. You see shirtless guys all the time during football what the hell. You keep glancing at him, but you instantly regret it each time. What the hell’s going on with you.  
  
“I’ll be right back. Gonna go grab my shit.” You leave him alone in the kitchen and walk to your room. Damn, you’re having a bigger gay crisis than that general from Mulan. God he probably thinks you’re acting really weird. Because you are. Get a hold of yourself dude.  
  
You enter your bedroom and see your backpack all ready to go. You put it on. Also John needs a shirt, unless you want to stare at his barechestedness all day. Which would actually be pretty nice... No no no you’re getting a shirt right now. You open your wardrobe and realise that he’s actually pretty small. None of your shirts would fit him. Actually... thinking about it now... he’s probably the same size as you when you were in middle school. You go to the back of your wardrobe. Yup. There it is. The record shirt that you wore religiously throughout your middle school life. Fuck you love this shirt. It looks like it’ll fit John though.  
  
You head back to the kitchen. John’s not in there, but the sink is full of red liquid, and his shirt is sitting on the side. There’s a loose John on the run and he’s not got a shirt on. No one is safe.  
  
You head into the living room, trying to act as calm and cool as possible. But yup there he is just sitting on that couch with no shirt.  
  
“Hey man. Sorry that took so long, I was trying to find a shirt that would fit you.” You chuck it at him. He looks at it and puts it on. Good. You’re not going to lie, he looks pretty good in it. “You can go ahead and keep that shirt. Doesn’t fit me anymore. It looks better on you anyway.”  
  
“Oh uh... thanks?” Oh man maybe that was too creepy. You don’t know what to say now. “So... now that that’s done, you wanna head back out?”  
  
“Yeah I got my stuff. Let’s head out of here.” Thank god.  


* * *

  
You make it to Starbucks twenty minutes late. You find a seat and John disappears off. Damn. You really wanted to get a coffee too. Well, you’ll just wait for him to get back. You start getting out your bio work when he comes back.  
  
“Here.” He hands you a cup.  
  
“What's this for?”  
  
“A thanks, for letting me borrow the shirt and clean up.. and stuff. Heh.” You take the coffee from his hands.  
  
“It’s no problem dude. You were an innocent victim of Bro shenanigans. Least I could do.” you take a sip and smirk. “Pumpkin spice latte?”  
  
“You know it!”  


* * *

  
Your mentoring session went on. You learned Bio. Good job. Well, learning. You’re still not an expert, but you’re getting back on the ever-so-confusing track that is the bio train.  
  
When it’s over, you force John into your car. He’s getting a ride whether he likes it or not. But he wants a one anyway, so you didn’t use too much force. When you turn on the radio, _Gangsta’s Paradise_ just starts playing, and you’ll be damned if you didn’t rap along.  
  
When you make it to John’s house, he starts gathering his things. “See ya!” he says as he opens the door. But no. You’re enjoying this princess act, and you’re going to see it to the end. You also get out the car.  
  
“Are you gonna walk me to my door or something?”  
  
“You are the princess.”  
  
“Oh look at me Dave! I’m swooning.” You both end up laughing like idiots. And then you reach the door. Oh man if this isn’t the most cliche ending to a date you don’t know what is. Oh wait. Now what do you say. Fuck you didn’t really think this far.  
  
“Hey so... I had a good time tonight, John.” You smile at him.  
  
“Yeah me too!” Now you’re both standing there and you’re looking down at him and he’s looking up at you and you’ve ran out of things to say. “So I guess I should head in. Bye!” No! Not yet! He can’t leave just yet!  
  
“Hey! John wait!” You take a step forward, preparing to grab his arm if he doesn’t stop.  
  
“Yeah?” He turns around. You two are pretty close now. Wait, what are you thinking? What are you even doing? Why did you stop this boy? What are you doing to say? Is there anything you actually want to say?  
  
“I...” Oh man you have no idea what you’re doing. You kinda just scratch your neck. All of a sudden, the front door bursts open. A man that you can only describe as a proper gentleman is standing there.  
  
“John! I thought I heard you pull in! Come on inside, It’s chilly!” Guess that means you should go. John gives you an awkward wave bye, and he and what you’re guessing is his dad walk inside.  
  
You finally release all the air you’ve been holding in as a giant sigh. Well that was certainly embarrassing. And really disappointing. Damn, you’re really glad no one can see you right now. You’re a huge mess. You make it to your car, get inside, and close the door. And then you scream.  
  
“AGHHHH WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOIIINNNGGGGG?” Your name is Dave Strider, and you think you might be attracted to that nerd.


	8. ===> John: Go to band

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update? In our homestuck fanfic? Blasphemous! 
> 
> Well hey sorry about the huge huge huge hiatus. School work and winter break and midterms and ohayocon got in the way. So sorry!

Some days you ask yourself why you are still in band. Sure it’s an easy A, but it sucks the life out of your weekends. You’ll probably forget about this once you arrive back at the school. Ugh. Today is friday and it’s a home game for the school. You are, however, actually pretty excited. Before, you never really cared about the football games, you only knew when you guys get to leave. But seeing Dave on the field is going to be fun, you knew he was good, but you never really paid attention.  
  
Speaking of Dave you don’t know how to feel about him any more. You used to hate him and everything he stood for. Or what football players stand for. You just sort of hated them all as a group. But you don’t hate him anymore, whenever you’re around him you feel this weird fluttering in your stomach. You’ve come to really enjoy the days you get to tutor him. Part of you wishes he could fail Biology forever, but that’s not realistic. So after yesterday you came to decide you were going to ask him something tonight after the game. You really hope he says yes!  
  
You were so busy thinking to yourself and throwing things around the room in search of band stuff, you didn't even notice your dad in the doorway. He is giving you that stern fatherly look of his. “Is something the matter son? You seem out of sorts today...” Damn his psychic parent abilities.  
  
“It’s nothing dad! I'm just stressed out from getting ready is all! Nothing to worry about.” He gives you a look like he totally doesn’t buy it, but he leaves anyway. Good. Now you can get back to rehearsing lines inside your head.  
  
Eventually, you do finish collecting everything for band. With pretty good timing as well, you can see jade pulling in your driveway in her old truck. It’s not long until she rings the doorbell, and you are running downstairs with all your things.  
  
When Jade sees you she gives you a broad smile. “Ready to go?” You shake your head, and you’re both heading out the door. You look over to the car and... Yes!! Karkat will not be joining you. No awkward-in-car-flirting today! You joyfully hop into the passenger seat after throwing your things in the trunk. Jade turns on the car and pull out of your driveway.  
  
“So! Excited for tonight? It’s the last normal game before playoffs.”  
  
“Ha! Jade come on. It’s not like we are all in suspense on who is going to win tonight.” Jade shakes her head and laughs at that. “Besides, even if we lost, we are still in the play offs.”  
  
“True. I just thought you’d be more excited for the game because you are friends with Dave now...” Oh. You weren’t expecting that.  
  
“We aren’t friends! Not really.. I just tutor him for bio...” You shrug because it’s _somewhat_ true, and Jade gives you a look. “ We tolerate each other, but that’s about it.”  
  
“Weren’t you wearing one of his shirts today?” Oh shit. You totally were. You look away, cheeks quickly turning red. You remembered all the events of yesterday that led to the acquiring of that shirt.  
  
“Oh that, that’s nothing! He had gotten one of my shirts dirty with a tomato and-”  
  
“Wait, what?” You admit, you probably could have worded that better. You still hadn’t told Jade.  
  
“No, no, listen. There was a tomato catapult and I got hit-”  
  
“...What???  A _catapult_?” You can’t help but laugh.  
  
“Nevermind Jade it doesn’t matter. He just gave me an old shirt. No big deal.” You couldn't help but smile the rest of the car ride.  
  
\---  
  
“Wait so Jade...was that a good thing that just happened?” The crowd cheering and the constant chatter of your other band mates forces you to yell.  
  
“Yes. Generally intercepting the ball is good?” You’ve been sitting in the bleachers with jade for 3 quarters of the game trying to actually understand the game and pay attention. You honestly have no idea what’s going on. You figure when the home crowd cheers that something good has happened. Normally they do that whenever Dave gets the ball. But seriously, what the hell is going on? Sports is hard.  
  
You continue to stare down the field to try and understand. The score currently is 40 something to 14... or something like that? It looks like Dave got the ball again, and he’s charging the way down the field. “Oh hey, he’s going to touchdown again!” Dave makes his way down the field avoiding the opposing teams defenses and scores. The crowd starts to scream as he dives over the line.  
  
\---  
  
For the rest of the game, it seemed nothing else happened but that. You stayed so focused on the game and watching Dave play. You didn't notice when Karkat came over. You barely paid attention to when people tried to talk to you. Dave really was a star at football. You couldn’t help but feel amazed at his skill. It made you feel bad for maybe wrongly judging Dave. Everything about him seemed perfect. He was amazingly skilled, and he looked good in anything. Whenever he ran past you couldn't help but notice how... defined he was in uniform.   
  
You quickly became interested in your instrument.  
  
“John!” You can hear Jade giggling next to you. “Were you looking at his butt!?”  
  
“What? No! Oh my god Jade ,what is a butt even? I don’t know!”  Jade laughed and shot you a wink. Oh lord.  
  
“Suuure you don’t.”  
  
“Hey I’m just very concerned with his uniform! It looks uncomfortable!” Jade wasn’t buying it. You don’t think you do either. “I’ve been examining the other players too. You know, it’s all the same.”  
  
“Egbert. what the actual fuck.” Karkat asks from next to Jade. Oh right, he’s still there. Jade is laughing, and you think it’s time to just be quiet again.  
  
\---  
  
About an hour or so later the game had ended and the team had won. No surprise there. They all seemed pretty happy, and you were happy for them for once. You weren’t able to catch up with Dave, so you just headed back to the band room to change out of your uniform.  
  
After you finished changing into normal people clothes, you told jade you’d meet her by her car. You were kinda sad about not being able to catch Dave. You go outside to chill out, but you instead spot a familiar mop of blonde hair.  
  
“Dave!” You run towards him to catch up. The cool kid turned around and, though he looks a little surprised at first, he starts walking towards you with a smile.  
  
“‘Sup, nerd?” He shouts as you finally catch up with him.  
  
“Shut up, smarty! But hey! I was hoping to see you. I have an important question to ask you!” You smile up at him because you’re pretty excited. Dave looks really surprised, more so than before.  
  
“Yeah, I need to talk to you too.”  
  
“Oh! you can go first if you want!” Dave considers it for a moment, but he looks a little nervous.  
  
“Nah man. You go first. What's up?” You are totally ready for this. This is going to go great!  
  
“So Dave I've been thinking alot about the past few days, and about us...” Whew! This is nerve racking. “And I was just wondering... Do you wanna be friends with me?”  
  
“O-oh” Dave frowned a little. Maybe you were mistaken. You wish you could see his eyes you can never tell what he is thinking. This was dumb. You’re so stupid.  
  
“Nevermind then, sorry...” You push past him to head for Jades truck because fuck this right now. Stupid Dave. He’s not even that cool or interesting. He probably thinks you’re a loser. Ugh what a jerk.  
  
“Hey John! Wait!”  Before you can get out of the high school, Dave flash steps in front of you. “Hey man! I said wait up!” You just sorta glare at him. “Look I’d love to be your friend. I just thought you didn’t like me at all. Sorry.” You can’t help but feel relieved. This is great! Your night won’t be nearly as disastrous as you thought. You just can’t stop smiling. “You’re not as lame as I thought.”  
  
“Hey!” You chuckle.  
  
“Maybe we can hang out over the weekend! I can show you all my favorite movies!”  
  
“Sweet man, sounds like a date.”  
  
“Dave, It’s not a date!” He ruffles your hair and you grin back up at him.  
  
“C’mon loser, I'll give you a ride home.”  
  
You spent the rest of the night smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also look at this super quality fanart we got!!!  
> http://daveidstrider.tumblr.com/post/37747010346  
> I am not worthy ahhhh thank you so muuuuuuch!!!!!


	9. ==> Dave: Squawk like an imbecile and shit on your desk.

That is a really dumb idea. But it would be the first sane thing you've done in the past hour. You really have no idea how to do this homework and you’re really stumped.  
  
You decide against squawking and walk into the kitchen instead. You're pretty positive this is the fifth time you've looked into the fridge and decided you're not hungry. It is full of leftover pizza and Chinese takeout. It's starting to smell like shit (well, shittier than _normal_ ), so you close it and sigh. You make your way back to the pit that is your bedroom.  
  
And there you are again. Staring at the blank page if your biology homework. What the fuck is an enzyme?  
  
It's now Sunday. Actually, it's Monday morning, but you still haven't slept. You really wish Johnbert were online, so you can ask him what the actual fuck is going on. With biology. Not him. Why would you care about _him_? Yeah. Biology.  
  
Friday was a real crazy night. You won the football game like you thought you would. To be fair, the other team had a great defense. They were just unlucky that you're on offence.  
  
But after the game is what shocked you the most.

* * *

Your name is Dave strider, it's cold as fuck outside, and you're going to your car ASAP. You have all your football gear in your heavy ass bag, which needs to be cleaned. You're about to leave the building and go to the parking lot when you can hear a familiar squeak behind you.  
  
"Dave!" Oh damn. What is he doing here? You act as cool as possible, which is not that hard at all, as you turn around to greet John.  
  
“Sup, nerd?"  
  
“Shut up, smarty! But hey! I was hoping to see you." Oh well this could be good. "I have an important question to ask you!” Oh ho. This could be fucking great.  
  
“Yeah, I need to talk to you too.” Ok you're going to do it this time.  
  
“Oh! you can go first if you want!”  
  
“Nah man." Play it cool, you got this. "You go first. What's up?”  
  
“So Dave I've been thinking alot about the past few days, and about us...” Oh man you're really nervous all of a sudden. Your heart started beating fast in your chest. Is this really happening? “And I was just wondering... Do you wanna be friends with me?”  
  
“O-oh..." Ah shit.  
  
“Nevermind then, sorry...” Ahhhhh shiiiiiit. He looks really disappointed. You can tell John is trying to hide his frown, as he puts his head down and starts to quickly walk for the door. Fuck fuck fuck you screwed up.  
  
"Hey John ! Wait!" You really don't want to leave him hanging. “Hey man! I said wait up! Look I’d love to be your friend. I just thought you didn’t like me at all. Sorry.” He smiles like a little kid on his birthday. “You’re not as lame as I thought.”  
  
“Hey!” he laughs. "Maybe we can hang out over the weekend! I can show you all my favourite movies!"  
  
“Sweet man, sounds like a date.”  
  
“Dave, It’s not a date!” You walk up to him and ruffle his surprisingly soft hair. He's smiling again, and you honestly can't tell if he's always this happy, or if he's excited.  
  
“C’mon loser, I'll give you a ride home.”  
  
You drive him home, and the spend next half an hour wondering who the fuck _asks_ to be friends. He nearly gave you a heart attack. Talk about being friend zoned.

* * *

  
You snap back into reality, and realize you've been daydreaming about John for the past 20 minutes now. You really need to get a grip of yourself.  
  
You're about to give up when you hear your bro stumble into the house. Is he drunk? Ugh.  
  
"Honey I'm ho-ome!!!" Well that answers that. He's not. You leave your room and walk into the living room, only to see your bro sprawled on the couch, passed out.  
  
"I know you're not drunk." You snap at him. "You're pretending-to-be-drunk act got so unironic years ago."  
  
"Well fuck. Gotta think of a new routine..." Your bro finally stops the act, sits up, and strokes his stubble.   "Well hey little bro. Why are you up so late? You should be resting so you can become a big strong boy!" He glides over to you and ruffles your hair. What a dick.  
  
"Fuck!" you say as your hair gets destroyed. "I can't do my science homework. Do you know anything about it?"  
  
"Nah, little man. I dropped chemistry when I was in college." He dived back into the couch and turned on the T.V, his special way of telling you that the conversation is over. But you're not done.  
  
"It's not chem. It's bio." You stick your tongue out at him.  
  
"Ah yes, biology. Don't you have your little boyfriend helping you with that?"  
  
"Fuck he's not my boyfriend!" You're losing your cool man. You recollect yourself. "How do you know about that anyway? I never told..." Bro tries throwing something at you, but your reflexes are too fast. You're about to gloat, but soon you realize your hand is covered in rotting red specks. "Argh, shit!" You throw johns shirt on the ground.  
  
"If he's not your boyfriend, why was he shirtless in our house?" Shit. Bro has the upper ground now. You need to retreat. Soon. "Is he teaching you biology, or 'biology'?"  
  
"Hey man, it's not like that and you know it."  
  
"Surrrrre. You guys go on any ironic dates yet? Speaking of which, Jake and I missed you yesterday. You weren't in the house all day."  
  
"Hey! I was watching some movies with... Uh... A friend."  
  
"Let me guess, his favorite ones? Was it cold too? Did you guys share a blanket?"  
  
"Uhhh... Maybe..."  
  
"Oh... I see now! You came to ask me for ' _biolog_ y' homework!"  
  
"Bro. I'm so done." You start backing away slowly.  
  
"I'm impressed Dave! You already get to see him after school most days, so that's just like dating."  
  
"Bro, I'm not gay."  
  
"Maybe you should take him out to dinner!"  
  
"Bro." You continue to back up.  
  
"Or maybe watch a movie."  
  
"Stop." Almost. At. Your. Room.  
  
"No wait, you already did that..."  
  
"BRO, NO HOMO!" You reach your room and slam the door shut.  
  
You can still hear your brother talking to you through the door. "It's ok David! Just embrace it!"  
  
You can't tell if you're laughing or really pissed off. Your bro always winds you up like this, being ironically flamboyant for irony's sake. But maybe he’s right. You try to not think about it.  
  
And there you are again. Staring at the blank page of your biology homework.

 


	10. ===> John: Think Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys! attempt at long chapter is go!

You’ve been sitting in your room thinking about everything that has happened in the past couple of weeks. It’s now mid-November, and the final game of the playoffs is tomorrow. With Dave on the team, you guys are unstoppable. No one stands a chance against the team. You are not a fan of football, but you can’t help feel impressed. Dave really is amazing at what he does.

For last few weeks, you haven’t seen Dave for just tutoring. He often comes over on the weekends to hang out, or to join you Jade and Karkat for a movie night. You are super thankful for that too. Movie night has turned into Jade and Karkat night, making you the awkward third wheel. At least now Dave is there to bear it with you. Dave has been getting better at biology over the last few weeks and you can't help but feel a sense of pride whenever he gets a test back with a grade higher than a C. It almost brings a tear to your eye.

You never expected Dave to be such a good friend. He has proven you wrong. Whenever you have been sad, he is always there to cheer you up with his dumb rambling. When you told him no one was going to ask you to the winter formal he got down on one knee and asked you. Dave never fails to make you smile or laugh, and it feels great for you to finally have a best bro. Jade is amazing, but its not the same.

Speaking of Dave, he is coming over soon. You start cleaning up before he comes over. You throw all your clothes in a basket and shove the rest of your junk under your bed. Now your room is looking pretty good. You head to the bathroom and brush your teeth and make yourself look somewhat decent. You don’t know why you do this, you just do. You gotta make yourself presentable for a guest.. yeah that’s it. While you are brushing your hair the doorbell rings, so you put down the brush and run downstairs to meet Dave.

When you get to the door you throw it open to see a familiar blonde standing in front of you. Looks like he’s got all of his book with him. You guys are totally going to ‘study’.

“Hey Dave!” You wave enthusiastically at him. “Come on in!” Dave walks past you and takes his shoes off next to the door, revealing a pair of My Little Pony socks. You chuckle when you see them.

“Hey, hey now John. Pony’s are ironic to the core.” He gives you a stern look. It just makes you laugh at him more.

“Sureee they are...” You close the door and turn back toward him. “So do you want to head upstairs?” He nods and you both head up to your room.

Once you both reach your room, Dave proceeds to your bed and lie on the whole thing.”You know Dave, that is my bed.” He smirks at you and scoots a little to the side.

“You wanna join me?” He wiggles his eyebrows at you, and you cover your face because it is surely red.

You just shake your head at him. “Dave, you’re dumb” You head toward your computer instead. But midway to your computer you are lifted off the ground. “DAVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING OH MY GOD PUT ME DOWN” He proceeds to throw you on the bed and... oh no. No... no. “Dave no not that no- hahahahahahahaha!” But it is too late. Dave has got you under him and you can’t stop laughing. Curse him for knowing how ticklish you are. “Davee- hahahaa- nooo- haha -stopp!!!” 

Dave stopped so you could catch your breath. You are breathing like you’ve been running a marathon. “Damn john, calm down! I don’t know what's got you in such a fit.” He’s smirking at you, curse him.

You throw a pillow at his face. It must have caught him by surprise because he falls of the bed. you look over the side of the bed to see Dave rolling around on the floor. “Oh John! I’m hurt; severely injured. John, I don’t think i’m gonna make it!” He throws the back of his hand on his forehead. You facepalm.

“Cry me a river, Dave.” You get up and go to your computer. You turn on netflix and face the computer screen towards the bed. Dave is back up on the bed. You just shake your head at him. “Feeling better?”

“I received emergency medical care. It was intense John; I was just a minute away from dying!” You rub your eyes with your index fingers. “I was one of the lucky ones; death by pillow is all too common.”

"I'm glad you’re better." You roll your eyes at him. "But be quiet; we're watching a movie." The movie you put on is a classic Nic Cage flic. You think so anyway. Vampires Kiss is pretty scary! The main character slowly goes insane and thinks he's a vampire and kills people. It's one of the scariest movies you know of.

It doesn't take long for Dave to start commenting on the movie. "Did he just say he was turned on by a bat?"

"Daaaave shhhh!" His mouth turns into a straight line, you can feel the judgement. "It gets better ok! It's super scary!" Another thirty minutes of the movie pass at least before he speaks up again.

"Ok, he is shouting ABC's at someone. Ok this is happening." You glare at him because it's just getting good! "Are you sure this is a horror movie?"

"Dave, trust me." He just shakes his head at you.

"Ok. If you say so..."

Half an hour barely passes and you’re starting to snooze. You might be out of it from school... Maybe your just really comfortable lying here on your bed with Dave. Another five minutes passes and you find yourself quickly falling asleep.

\---

You wake up slowly and look at your bedside nightstand to see a clock. It’s 7:40. Jesus, you’ve been asleep for a few hours. You start to get up and quickly realise you can’t. You find a pair of arms circled around your waist. What? Oh shit. You turn your head slowly to see Dave nuzzled into your shoulder, completely wrapped around you. You can feel the heat rising to your cheeks. You and Dave are spooning and you have no idea how to get out before he wakes up. You try to separate his hands with no luck. Dave has an iron grip, thanks to football you're sure. Damn, you’re stuck. You look back at Dave. He doesn’t have his shades on. This is the first time you’ve seen his whole face. His features have softened with sleep. You can see some freckles dusted on his face. He looks so peaceful. While you are looking at Dave, it sort of hits you.

 

Oh my god.

Oh no.

He’s hot.

You turn away and you can feel Dave starting to move around. You just sit still and act like you’re sleeping. A few minutes later Dave releases his grasp on you and you decide it’s safe to ‘wake up’. You open your eyes to see Dave leaning on his shoulder. He’s looking at you.

“Good morning tiger.” You swear he shoots you a wink, but he has his stupid pointy shades back on so you really can’t tell.

“Oh my god Dave” You facepalm and get up out of the bed. “Lets go get something to eat, I’m sure my dad has made something.” Dave nods and you both head downstairs.  
As predicted when you and Dave reach your kitchen, there is a cake and a spaghetti dinner prepared. "Hello son. David." You jump and turn around to see you father at the table already eating. "Would you like to join me?"

"Hell yes." Dave is already serving himself some spaghetti. You grab a plate and get some as well.

After dinner you and Dave abscond to the sofa in the living room to watch a movie and do a little bio. Dave has been doing a lot better on tests and in class so you guys don't study as much.

"Hey John" you look over at Dave. You must have zoned out.

"What's up Dave?"

"You have a thing with Nic Cage, don't you?"

"A thing?" The question honestly confuses you. Nic Cage is a great actor. Why wouldn't you like him? "What do you mean?"

"Well his movies aren't that great-"

"Ok, first, Nic Cage is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. His films are just classic; he can do any role he wants! He is just such a good actor. All of his films are such high quality. I don't know why he doesn't win awards." You exhale the large breath you were holding in.

Dave starts laughing and you scowl at him. "Haha wow. Looks like I got some competition"  
Wait what? You give him a confused look but before you can ask, your dad comes downstairs.

"Son, I know you enjoy having David over, but it is 9:30 and you both have school tomorrow. He should start packing up." You nod and he exits the living room.

"Well you heard him. Sorry Dave."

"Don't worry about it, Egbert." You help him pack up his stuff and head for the door. You open the door for him like a proper gentleman. He walks about halfway through the door before turning around. "Hey John... You're going to the game tomorrow right?"

The question surprises you. But then you remember he doesn't know you're in marching band and that you have to go to every one. But he doesn't need to know that. As far as he’s concerned you are a regular patron of the games. What can you say its nerdy and he...never asked? " Yeah! Of course I'll be there Dave!" You smile up at him and he gives you a smile and some double pistols. You can’t see it but your sure there is a wink there too.

"Ok, I'm glad" He starts walking away toward his car turning his head back one last time to smile and wave at you. "See you tomorrow!"

You smile and close the front door. You turn around and head straight up to your room to go to sleep. Tomorrows gonna be awesome you can feel it.

\---

You wake up the next morning feeling like you got punched in the gut. You get up quickly and run to the bathroom. Damn, last nights dinner really didn't taste as good coming up. What a great way to start the day. Blah. You look at the clock. Should you go to school? As long as your dad doesn't know you’re still here, it’ll be fine. You start hearing a knock on the door. "Son? Are you all right? May I come in?" So much for that...

"You can come in." Your dad walks through the door looking concerned. "I’m just a little sick dad. I can make it to school."

"John, you are sick.” He gives you a stern look. “You are not going to school today. I'm heading to work soon. Go back to bed and get some sleep." Your dad leaves the bathroom. You feel queasy again and decide you should stay there for awhile.

After about half an hour in the bathroom, you get up to brush your teeth, and head back in your room and get in bed. You wonder if your dad will let you go to the game tonight. Probably not, you suppose. Well, looks like your band squad is screwed! You should pester Jade and let her know you won’t make it... But you’re kinda disappointed because you told Dave you would be there! You hope he isn't too upset about it.

 

===> Dave: Go to Bio

You’re sitting in the back of the room, with an unfamiliar empty desk in front of you. Where the hell is John? He said he’d be at school today...

===>John: Wake up

Oh man. Your head hurts. You look around your room. It's pretty dark, you must've slept all day. You sit up slowly and look at your clock. 7:27 pm. Holy shit. You've completely slept through your chance to go to Dave's game! You throw yourself back down and pout. You will wait to go on pesterchum, afraid of what people might have sent you. You sit there for a few minutes before your stomach starts makes loud noises, protesting for you to get up.

You slowly head downstairs, still feeling very woozy. Your dad made something for dinner, and you can smell it from the stairs. As you slowly make your way into the kitchen, you find no cakes, but just some homemade chicken soup ready for you. You are actually thankful for your dads cooking for once. You don't see him around, so you just take some and head to the living room to watch some good old Nic Cage. That will make you feel better.

At the ever so beautiful moment when Nic Cage is reunited with his daughter, a loud thunderbolt hits the house, causing everything to shake. You go to a window to see that it's raining pretty hard outside. It's 9 pm now and you hope the game is going ok. You don't know when football games end but you figure if pouring rain isn't good for band, it can’t be good for football either, especially thunder. You sit back down and continue to watch your movie. Dave is going to be fine. He is a star, so you don't need to be worried. You feel bad for missing it and you don't know why. Maybe you're thinking too much about this. You really wanted to be there... Stupid sickness.

A loud knocking on the door shocks you out of your thoughts. You head to the door confused, not knowing who could be there. You open the door and see... Dave? He's soaking wet with a gallon of apple juice and a bag.

" Hey princess, can I come in?"

"Yeah dude of course!" You move aside to let him out of the rain. "What are you doing here? Isn't the game still going?" He takes of his shoes and just shrugs.

"My fair lady needed me more." He takes off his jacket but his shirt is still soaked...and fairly transparent. His chest is so NO no don't think about that. "John! Man you must be really sick. You’re all red" He pulls you close and puts his big hand on your forehead. This is definitely not helping. "John, you're really hot. Good thing nurse Dave is here." Escape. Abort mission.

You pull away to try to gain your composure again. "I'm sorry I missed your game Dave." He smirks.

"I know John, no need to apologize. I'd rather be here anyday." He’d.. rather be here? What does that mean. "And since you’re not feeling well..." He starts to move over to you.

"Wait a second.. hey what!-" Dave's scoops you up bridal style and carries you to the sofa. God damnit. He lays you down gingerly and covers you up with a blanket. You scowl. "So what's in the bag Dave?"

"These, John, are some supplies for your journey through sickness, to help you defeat the evil viruses preying upon your body,” he explains as he pulls Campbell's soup, Tylenol and more apple juice out if his bag. You shake your head and smile. "You should be grateful John. These are rare cures and remedies that are highly valued throughout the lands." he gives you a super serious look, and you both start laughing.

"Dave, you’re dumb. You could get sick too, y’know."

"I'll be fine. I just wanted to make sure you’re ok." Your heart starts doing flips inside your chest and you smile.

"Whatever... Thanks I guess?" He raises an eyebrow at you. “You can stay if you really want too." Dave punches the air in achievement. You smile and shake your head. You both keep watching the movie but eventually you find yourself drifting into sleep.

\-------

You wake up the next morning feeling brand new. One hundred percent better than yesterday. Fully charged. Systems are up and running. You sit up and rub your eyes. You look around, but don't see Dave anywhere. You throw the covers off and move to get up from the couch.

"DON'T MOVE!" You shriek in the manliest way possible. Dave is running out of the kitchen in an apron (when and where did he get that?) and a plate of food. "Here ya go! Eat up!" There was bacon, eggs, potatoes, even a cup of orange juice. It actually looks good. That and your ravenous hunger cause you to wolf down the meal pretty quickly.

"Thanks Dave, that was great!" You place the plate on the nearby table.

"No problemeo man, that's why I'm here."

"Dude, it’s not like I could’ve stopped you from coming in last night anyway. You probably would've scratched on the door like a stray cat."

"Hey now hey, if I were an animal, it would be a fucking bunny. Get outta here."

"Why a bunny?" He looks at you like the answer is obvious.

"Because I would be a playboy bunny. Shit would be ironic as fuck." Dave looks back at you smirking. "And because I'm super cute." You laugh and it gets quiet for a moment before Dave speaks again this time leaning in towards you. "So do you think I’m cute." Your eyes widen, chest pounding.

"W-what do you mean" You gulp, you can't tell if he noticed because of his pointy shades. He is still leaning towards you, placing his hands on either side of your head.

"You know what I mean John." As he gets closer, tilting his head ever so slightly, you don't find yourself shying away or stopping it. You like Dave a lot. And you love having him around. You'd be lying if you said he wasn't good looking. But. But. Oh screw it.

You slowly reach your hand up and place one on his cheek. He seems surprised by this at first but takes it as encouragement and leans the rest of the way in. You can feel his breath in your lips and you just want to lean forward close the gap. You start to lift up his stupid shades. He laughs a little and you look up. "I knew it."

You slowly close your eyes, and move to close the gap between you. "SON! I’M HOME" your eyes jerk open as you hear your dad come in the back door. Dave moves away, his shoulders tensed. You, however, make a quick decision and grab the back of his neck, close your eyes, and pull your lips onto his. You had to pull away quickly, but as you open your eyes, you smile sheepishly at him. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Dave this red. You leave him in his shocked, crimson state to go greet your dad. You guys can talk about this later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys haven't seen vampires kiss go watch it. it is SO much better than con air I'm not even joking  
> here is the best of vampires kiss if you just want to understand what they were talking about :p  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfcJUl39iiA
> 
> HEYYYY GUYYSS. so we graduated yesterday, so we will begin re working on the fic. it will be slow but we havent given this up yet. the next chapter is in progress! i hope you all keep reading :p


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